Dear Kids on Spring Break

I get that you're all excited to be off from school for an extended period of time. I get it. It's fantastic. You're not at the point of your life where you'd be using that time to go to the library and study for an upcoming midterm, because you're probably all around fifteen. I get that. Spring break, whoot whoot, or whatever.

Maybe it's just my age showing, but I tend to think that people who are loud, noisy and generally obnoxious and dropping the F-bomb every third word in a sentence are in need of a thesaurus and discipline. For instance, this sentence probably isn't something you'd say in front of your grandmother:

I had such a f***ing great time last f***ing night! I f***ed her f***ing good! That c**t was f***ing gagging for my f***ing c**k.

That said, if the person you had been with last night overheard that on the bus, you'd probably never get any action again. Just saying.

But at the age of fifteen (or thereabouts) I'm sure that you're very mature and brilliant and understand how the world works or so you think. I remember being 15 and thinking that I was smart. I also remember being 19 and thinking that 15 year olds had a lot of growing up to do. And guess what, at my age now (not 19...) I think that 19 year olds have a lot of growing up to do too.

That includes prioritizing your life and understanding what's important. But, of course, I'm sure at the age of 15 you think that having sex is the most important thing ever because you'd just die if you graduated from high school still a virgin. But I'm pretty sure that's a plot point from a movie franchise.

Stop thinking with your little head, start thinking with your brain. Chances are that in 5 years, you won't care if you 'gave it' to someone good over spring break. You'll have bigger issues to deal with.

Sincerely,
A girl who's grown up, just a little bit

Dear Mellow Teen,

I saw you on the bus last Tuesday while I was on my way to school. You sat down on the bench seat across from me. I knew you were probably supposed to be at school already, since it was past 9am already. You dropped a backpack on the seat next to you and you start pulling out your materials.

A small baggie full of... dried leaves. A bunch of papers for rolling. A lighter.

You didn't even look up at me, or make eye contact with anyone else for the matter, as you started rolling up the first joint.

A small fold, a little tuck of the 'leaves' into place, roll roll roll and then with a swift lick, you 'seal' up the long edge and fold in the ends. And then repeat until you had five done. Then you tucked everything away and pulled out your phone to make arrangements to 'meet-up' and you told the person you were with to 'bring the cash' for what you had.

I have nothing against entrepreneurship. I really don't. However, I think there is a time and a place for everything. And the time and place to prepare your merchandise should probably not be on public transit (where there are security cameras and microphones - if the signs on board of the bus are anything to go by). And the transit cops are actual police officers with actual handcuffs and guns and whatnot. So... Probably not the best of ideas. At all.

I can think of a million things I'd rather do on public transit before rolling up joints and making arrangements to sell them. Such as... taking a nap, listening to music, texting people on my phone, reading notes for a upcoming test (let's face it - I always have an upcoming test!), twiddling my thumbs... All of which would come before being caught via audio visual equipment dealing drugs on the phone. It's really not worth your future (in getting real job) to be doing such things (on public transit and otherwise).

Sincerely,
Girl was listening to music (and texting people)

Dear Cheap Idiot,

So I was sitting near the back of the bus today, minding my own business when you and your friends started to talk. At first, the conversation (which was loud, by the way - I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I bet the bus driver could have heard your annoying giggling and chatter) was boring. Talks of grad dinner/dance, dresses, shoes. It's September, kids, you have a lot of time. Then you moved onto your newest hobby.

Or rather, what your sister's friend's boyfriend (I think I got that right?) had for a new hobby: screenprinting. And you mentioned how he'd made your sister the "coolest shirt in the world" and how he had all this fancy equipment and inks and such. And.... "He'll totally make you guys shirts for like a buck. I'll give you guys his number, just call him up."

Really? Your sister receives a gift and you seem to feel as if it's a green light to pimp him out for $1 per shirt? Go do yourself a favour and look up how much screenprinting equipment runs for, how much the inks and catalyst and such cost, retail price. Please, go see that and then recant what you said and apologize to your sister's friend's boyfriend for being an idiot of epic proportions.

Also, please don't hatch up half-brained money-making schemes on public transit. It makes you and your friends look absolutely moronic. Considering you were going on about how you were going to ask your boyfriend's friend if he'd make you a website for "like, a dollar an hour, probably" and how you were going to sell those 'super cheap' screenprinted shirts for "at least" $30/each.

If your sister's friend's boyfriend and your boyfriend's friend are stupid enough to actually give in to your demands, you're incredibly lucky. But, since chances are they won't be so easy to let you walk all over them in favour of monetary gain... Go get a paper route or a part time or something instead of using others.

Sincerely,
Annoyed

Dear Social,

I got on the bus before you this afternoon. We both got on at the bus loop by the mall and you sat down in front of me with, what I assume to be, your girlfriend. I say 'assume' because I can never tell if people are the type to make-out with people that they're not dating while riding public transit. Perhaps it's a nervous habit of yours.

But that is besides the point.

As the bus was pulling away from the stop and moving to get onto the street, there was a teenaged girl standing at the crosswalk and waiting for the bus we were in to round the corner. You turned your head first and went "Ohmifuckinggawd, it's Nicole!"

Your (girl)friend turns her head and goes "Ohmigawwwwd, it is, like, Nicole! What's she doing by herself?"

You reply: "I don't know. But that's so weird. She's, like, never alone. It'd be, like, seeing you alone."

...

(Yes, you really did say that many 'like's in your sentences. Like, for real. You could not stop. It was rather pathetic and I feel sorry for the English language.)

Now I realize, as much as the next person, that humans are fairly social. If you look to one of our closer animal relatives (monkeys), they are fairly social. They spend a lot of time together and are all very touchy-feely with one another. That isn't to say that they're incapable of being by themselves. There is nothing wrong with going to a bus stop by yourself or leaving the mall by yourself.

But then you pulled out your cell phone and told the girl next to you that you "Totally have to, like, text this to everyone."

Good job, kid. Because seeing a girl you know walking to the bus stop by herself is absolutely text-worthy. I mean, you could text about what you bought at the mall or that you're going to be late going somewhere or anything else, really. Instead, you were going to be texting "everyone" about how you saw this girl walking to the bus loop by herself.

Can you hear yourself speaking? Do you ever pause and reflect on the crap that comes spewing out of your mouth in the form of words? Or do you just move on, completely forgetting what you said 5 seconds ago because your memory can span around the same amount of time as a common goldfish? "Oh, look! A castle! ... Oh, look! A castle!"

There are so many more things that are more earth-shattering and more interesting and would make you look just the slightest bit more intellectual (because, trust me, you are in need of some IQ points) beyond seeing someone being by themselves.

If we can't be by ourselves, how can we truly appreciate the people around us when we have them?

Sincerely,
Antisocial Butterfly