Dear the Boy that Darwin would have loved,

I've been having a decent week so far. Lots of snow coupled with slow transit service. I'm back at school and there's ice everywhere and unpaved sidewalks.

And I have a very short complaint today.

If you're on a bus that's quiet at 6am and no one is saying a thing and the only thing to be heard is the bus going through slush, you really shouldn't be speaking so loudly on your cell phone to your friend about how your mom just made up a new batch of meth and how you were going to go score some E and maybe some roofies for your girlfriend after second period because some teacher wasn't ever going to realize that you never showed up for biology and the girlfriend still wasn't giving it up. You don't need to advertise your extracurricular activities to a somewhat full bus of people.

And maybe if you showed up for biology once in a while, you would know a little something about 'natural selection'. Charles Darwin would have loved you. You could have been the ultimate poster child for his theories to do with evolution and why some species die out.

Cheers,
Science Geek

P.S. Rape is rape is rape. Illegal in so many ways. Plus, if you're religious, you'll end up burning in hell. With fire. And brimstone. Or so they say. Or you'll get your just desserts when they try you as an adult for aggravated sexual assault.

Dear Prepubescent Jerk,

I encounter a lot of stupid people on public transit. I encounter a lot of creepy older men, a lot of moronic people who make me very happy that there's such a thing as Natural Selection. Very happy.

This morning, I got onto the bus and instead of sitting near the back of the bus like I normally do - I was sitting on the left side of the bus, completely minding my own business (trying to ignore and drown on the excessive giggler) and then suddenly the bus driver pulled over to the side of the road and got out of his seat and told you to haul your ass off of the bus.

I was a little confused and people kind of fell silent. And I removed the earphones to better hear what the bus driver was bitching about. Were you smoking on the bus? Visibly drinking alcohol?

And then I saw it.

Really, did you really have to jerk off on the bus? Because, to be perfectly honest, that's really rather disgusting considering it was rolling down the window next to where you were sitting. Rolling. Down. The. Fucking. Window.

I mean, kid, just go home and do it in your bedroom or in the bathroom. You don't need to do it on public transit. I mean, maybe it helps with the whole "Ooooh, what if I get caught?" scenario. But when you're jerking off in public and it gets all over the window, it's disgusting. And indecent. And you could have been charged with public indecency.

Go home and do it in the privacy of your own home next time. Mmkay?

And I'll be making a mental note never to sit near the front of the bus on the right hand side of the bus ever again (for that route, anyways).

Sincerely,
Disgusted

Dear Wannabe Druggies,

Today I was on the bus going home. The bus routinely stops at a bus stop near an elementary school. You two (two little boys, probably attend that elementary school across the street - cannot be more than ten years old age) got onto the bus, paid your bus fare and then started stomping towards the back of the bus. But you noticed that the back was full before you got all the way there so you sat down in the seats across the aisle from me.

I ignored you, like I normally attempt to do with people on the bus. I generally fail at this, I will admit, but then it wasn't my fault that I noticed what you were doing when I adverted my eyes from the sun.

You boys pulled out one of those pixie sticks out of your backpack (for those who are unsure, pixie sticks is basically flavoured sugar that comes in a plastic tube and is generally knocked back - I don't know why people just don't eat white granulated sugar sometimes). One of you bit the top side of it and opened it that way. Then you two separated the contents of the tube into your waiting palms.

And then instead of tossing it back like most kids do, you proceeded to snort it up. Like someone would do a line of coke, except you were snorting up a small pile of what amounts to sugar.

And then, oh dear, and then one of you said "Hey, if we get real good at this, my sister said that she'd be able to get us some coke." And then the other responded with "Sweet."

Then you two finished snorting up your pixie stick sugar, knocked back the rest, brushed off your hands and pulled the cord to signal to the driver that you wanted to get off.

And honestly, what the hell do they teach you in school these days? That it's okay to become a drug addict? That drugs are cool? Are you trying to mimic someone you saw in a music video or a movie? Because it's not cool. Your major concern at the age of 10 is if your mom is going to be putting a chocolate pudding into your lunch on Friday, or if you're going to get picked first for dodgeball in gym class. It should not be 'How fast we can get decent at snorting up sugar in order to get the sister to score us some coke'. You two honestly have some warped priorities and I sincerely hope that someone knocks some sense into you. And soon.

Sincerely,
Straightedge